I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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