i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
