It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
