when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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