i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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