Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
