she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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