Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
