no, he came in my armpit
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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