I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
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