just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
it's like iHOP with fire
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
