I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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