To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
