I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
