just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Randomize
