There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
