the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
