just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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