we have officially lost it.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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