If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
