Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
