i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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