Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Boobs speak an international language.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
