Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
