Umm I'm too high to move.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
