need another drink. this is the easiest way
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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