Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you didnt know i had herpes?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
