HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Let the clothes fall where they may.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
