he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
