i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
