Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Randomize
