Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
