This is not my ceiling
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I cut my penus on the lid.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
