He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I AM VODKA MAN
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
