brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
