If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
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