I wanna bring you to show and tell
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
