Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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