I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
