I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I wish they made helmets for livers.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
