Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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