Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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