Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Everything about him screamed your future.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
