just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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