It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
All the doctor said was why
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
