woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
