Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
