No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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