Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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