another moral hangover. fuck.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
