I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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