I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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