in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
