He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
